lonely

Stay or Go: Pain or the lonely path.

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In a previous post I mentioned including and excluding people from our lives, and I have reached an impasse.

There’s someone in my life that I feel I have no other choice but to let go. It’s a sad commentary indeed, but when you can no longer trust your instincts, your emotional response, than what have you to go off of other than your logic?

It seems a big callous to use purely logic in regards to relationships, because logic excludes understanding to a certain extent.

Let me put it to you this way: when someone is emotional unavailable, for the most part, opens up and shares their inner most thoughts, and feels rejected. The emotions would seemingly have betrayed the person it was meant to aid in the first place. A feeling of betrayal, undoubtedly, leads to a sense of distrust, and that’s why the purely logical mind takes command. That’s when we reach the aforementioned impasse.

There is a young lady that I am very fond of that I’ve had to let go. Essentially I poured myself out to hear on more than one occasion, and that is highly unusual for me. I consider it almost a symbol of high-esteem when I grant access to those innermost thoughts. Afterwards I was left without a word, and left to simmer in my own emotional turmoil. It’s a disgusting thing to feel as if you’ve been emptied out into a broken cup. The end result is the emptiness and a bizarre loneliness. I’m sure you, my wonderful readers, have felt a similar distress.

You expect other people to leave you dangling with your body tossed to the wind, but never one you consider a close friend, and one above the squabbled mass of faces in your life.

I do make my decisions carefully, and I chose to make the one that would be the hardest cross to bear. I do feel as if I could make things work, but the lingering scar will remain and poison what remains. Also, I am afraid that if I don’t make this decision that I will fall again. And I also feel like somehow both parties involved will suffer. I accept my part in this and my inaccessible nature, but the dear Lord knows that I tried.

I suppose there will be one less heartache, but one more lingering and painful memory.