dating

The Fine Art of Letting Go.

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(…I know how cliché the title of this post is, but in my opinion its an incredible gift and power to be able to detach yourself from the chains that bring you down.)

It seems that all too often we hold on to things and find ourselves unable to let go. Of course I refer to myself as a prime example for exhibiting this kind of behavior and thought pattern. I, myself, have an acute realization that I suffer from this anxiety of needing to know exactly where I went wrong and go through the mental checklist of what I could have done to fix it.

Text book over thinking. It’s a normal condition. We all do it. Well, okay it’s just me… Or is it….?! What do you think?!

That’s  just it: over thinking. We analyze the information, we recall the texts, we remember everything and yet we cannot fix our problem with the situation. Why, because the answer has been staring us in the face the whole time. There is a part of us that wants the love and attention of someone we cannot have or lost (I’m sure it’s a character flaw in myself as well). The answer is to be able to find peace within about the situation. There is a good reason why people walk in and out of our lives. It is to show us how beautiful life can be. The door has closed and yet another beautiful person will find his or her way onto our path.

That right there is where we need to put our hope and energy into. Making ourselves the best people we can be and reaching towards a brighter future. Dwelling on past loves will drown you in ‘what if’s’ and ‘what did I do wrong’s’. What is done is done. You need to remind yourself that you are the best you YOU can be, and if not now WILL BE. Someone is waiting for you in your future. There is nothing there waiting for you in your past.

Rehashing the past is like trying to find the winning lottery ticket you accidentally threw away at the garbage dump. Although you may find it again; the odds are heavily stacked against you. You need to delete the old texts, erase the phone number contact, De-friend them on Facebook you do whatever is necessary to necessitate your emotional recovery.

It’s like Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite it is that sort of detachment to the present that is dangerous for us “Boy, if coach would have put me in the game… We’d have taken state”. Yeah, right. I am only offering my two cents and personal experience (maybe it makes less cents/sense than that! ha wordplay). Don’t get caught up in blaming yourself for the way someone else feels. Period.

  •  Remember your past is your past. Your future has yet to be written.
  • People walk out of our lives to make room for new ones.
  • ‘Guilt tripping’ yourself about past relationships serves no one. “Don’t get caught up in blaming yourself for the way someone else feels. Period.”
  • Don’t over think things. Sometimes we make life harder on ourselves that way.

So, do yourself a favor, and think about what I have written here on this digital paper. Like I mentioned above I have my past that I am still struggling with, but if we can put these simple truths to the test it may help.

Thank you for reading.

Don’t end up like this poor fella…
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Can Women & Men be friends? (male perspective)

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Not just a view espoused by comedian and author Steve Harvey anymore! I want to revisit that with you, my wonderful readers, once more.

If you are new to this blog than welcome! If you aren’t than here’s something to catch you up: I had a particular friend of mine, a young lady, whom I had feelings for. She, of no fault of her own, did not feel the same way. And that my friends is just the way the ball bounces. I cut her out of my life to protect myself. She contacted me and she was hurt I acted out that way not understanding why I did it. Once, she found out that I had romantic feelings for her the dynamic of our friendship changed. I had not only been “Friend-Zoned” but worse… I had affected our friendship. Knowing I had those feelings we could not simply ‘hang-out’ anymore. It’s an unspoken repercussion, but one that I took a gamble with. This is why I chose to write about this topic today.

So you see by my example and my experience just why men and women can’t be friends. I realize this is a blanket statement, but in most cases I believe this to be true. Think about it: why do you become friends with someone of the opposite sex? What first attracted you about them?

As human beings (most of us being from the planet earth) are attracted to beautiful things or things that attract us. You gravitate toward someone of the opposite sex or the same-sex by the first impression of how attractive they are to you. Even if that is not the case SOMETHING attracts us that makes us want to be friends (or more) with a person. In my case I was attracted to her from day one. I will and always will want to be more than friends. Even if I have to lie.

It is difficult to be friends with someone of the opposite sex because of our basic need for companionship. It is part of Maslows hierarchy of needs it is something that is programmed within us.

I understand that this happens every day a friendly cohabitation with someone of the opposite gender, but a good amount of the time there are ulterior motives. Whether we desire the other person sexually  or even just because we desire to be in a serious relationship with them. Hell we aren’t honest even with ourselves sometimes!

Here’s the good part ladies/ Men this is my opinion on the matter. Our mindset to having a friendship with a woman  all about the positives or the benefits of that friendship. The desire to fill the physical need (sex), we have the desire for a companion or wife, we have a desire to be accepted by our male peers, we have a desire to protect. I’m sure there are more reasons that I have not listed, but these are the big reasons in my mind. You don’t have to agree with this analysis this is only an opinion.

So let’s recap:

  1. Our brains tell us what and who we are attracted to
  2. We always seek out companionship (it is built within us)
  3. There is always a motive to being friends with someone of the opposite sex
  4. Men have the mindset of what they can get out of a relationship (is it economical or beneficial)

Why can’t women and men be friends? Because, we cannot get our signals right. The mindset of a man is vastly different from a woman therefore our brains work differently. So Steve Harvey maybe you’re on to something, ladies “Act like a woman, think like a man”.

Jest a thought to keep in mind from a males perspective.

This picture belongs to roxannejoffe.com