In a previous post I mentioned including and excluding people from our lives, and I have reached an impasse.
There’s someone in my life that I feel I have no other choice but to let go. It’s a sad commentary indeed, but when you can no longer trust your instincts, your emotional response, than what have you to go off of other than your logic?
It seems a big callous to use purely logic in regards to relationships, because logic excludes understanding to a certain extent.
Let me put it to you this way: when someone is emotional unavailable, for the most part, opens up and shares their inner most thoughts, and feels rejected. The emotions would seemingly have betrayed the person it was meant to aid in the first place. A feeling of betrayal, undoubtedly, leads to a sense of distrust, and that’s why the purely logical mind takes command. That’s when we reach the aforementioned impasse.
There is a young lady that I am very fond of that I’ve had to let go. Essentially I poured myself out to hear on more than one occasion, and that is highly unusual for me. I consider it almost a symbol of high-esteem when I grant access to those innermost thoughts. Afterwards I was left without a word, and left to simmer in my own emotional turmoil. It’s a disgusting thing to feel as if you’ve been emptied out into a broken cup. The end result is the emptiness and a bizarre loneliness. I’m sure you, my wonderful readers, have felt a similar distress.
You expect other people to leave you dangling with your body tossed to the wind, but never one you consider a close friend, and one above the squabbled mass of faces in your life.
I do make my decisions carefully, and I chose to make the one that would be the hardest cross to bear. I do feel as if I could make things work, but the lingering scar will remain and poison what remains. Also, I am afraid that if I don’t make this decision that I will fall again. And I also feel like somehow both parties involved will suffer. I accept my part in this and my inaccessible nature, but the dear Lord knows that I tried.
I suppose there will be one less heartache, but one more lingering and painful memory.
I think at this point I’ll steal a quote and use it out of context. “This is soooo deliciously complicated.” – Sherlock Holmes, Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes 2.
Today I will not provide advice, but shed some light on my own. Its almost annoying to talk about because the scenario is just me over thinking it. And, yes my version of over thinking: ‘ I have to take her home. ‘ such a simple phrase yes? Not for me. My mind goes into FREE FALL with ideas ‘why doesn’t she WANT to stay?, ‘what did i say?’, ‘does she not like me?’, and all the other minutia that goes along with it. I just don’t know when is the right time??? I saw a good buddy of mine get rejected for a kiss after a date… phew it was hard to watch like a train wreck… I don’t want that to happen to me, BUT i also don’t want to risk it until I’m absolutely sure…
The thing is though… She brought (a friend). Which, don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with, but I don’t know if she brought this friend because the friend likes me and she’s trying to set her up. I brought them both flowers and she said her friend wasn’t expecting the flowers. Well I thought… Were you expecting flowers?!? Did YOU LIKE DA FLOWERS?! ha. Oh, and she also told me about another guy she likes. Is she making me jealous or just Friend zoning me? Over thinking to the max! We are all at this point raised to be analysts: scrutinizing every move, reading and rereading text messages to find something we missed, and most off all trying to figure out if your efforts are all for naught…
One thing I do know for sure is… I love spending time with her and as far I know I love spending time with her. She looked so damn cute in her dress the other day. She’s just great.
But, anyways back to reality. Cut the romance music please.
I must take my own advice. Thus, by saying this I think I might try to steal a kiss from her next time we go out, and I’m making a firm resolution to do this. If I don’t and I shy away from danger… I’ll tell you guys about it…
If you have an opinion on the issue or some helpful advice feel free to comment below!
… Shaking in my boots as we speak…