Murphy Log #10
Murph Log: 7.22.14
Hello Murphees and Murphettes I come to you today in a sort of awkward situation, because you know the Murph doesn’t get awkward. I mean nothing interrupts my awesome ninja flow, especially with the ladies. No, this isn’t one of those awkward moments where you forget to forget to wear pants, or when you get caught taking a cookie before dinner. This is one of those moments when you’re at work, being awesome and getting your shine on, and then all of the sudden your co-worker “gets all up in your grill”. I mean I almost jumped back and said “Whoa! Get back funky cat!” I’m like the hippest guy I know. Anyways this little situation happened yesterday and let me tell you all about it.
So, yesterday morning I flew out of bed, much like Superman, and landed in the bathroom for my morning shower and affirmations. Oh? What are my affirmations? Well, like those fitness nuts that do 1,000 push-ups in the morning, I tell myself “you are awesome” at least 100 times in the mirror. I get pumped up and get ready to Murph the world up! After that I wolfed down 12 egg sandwiches my sweet, old mother made me. I kissed her a thank you and jumped out to my ultra-awesome, sleek, chrome wheeled bicycle and speed off at the speed of light. Come to think of it; I’m like the flash on wheels.
When I get to my job I make sure to hit the front glass door with my bike tire. That’s for good luck of course. People scrunch of their faces because they think it’s so awesome, but they forgot how to smile. After locking my bike up, I take the elevator upstairs and make it to my cubicle. I toss my tie-dye backpack on the desk of the blue square and crack my knuckles. “Today is going to be a Murphy day” I said to myself. And then I saw this quirky little symbol hopping around on my screen and then I thought,” This is a Muphemail I am receiving”. And I grabbed that rascally mouse and metaphorically tore open that little bugger of an email. Here’s what I read:
“Dear Mr. Murph,
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. You are awesome… Blah Blah Blah We will order pizza for you. Blah Blah Blah the new PS3 Game I bought.
Blah Blah Blah… This is a warning about your job performance. Blah Blah blah…,” and I had to do a double take and read the gosh darn thing again.
“Dear Mr. Murph,
We feel that you are not performing up to the standards this BIG money pit has set. Your superiors will be keeping a closer watch on you.
As your team flunkee I feel it is my duty to eat dirt and also let you know when you stray from the path. This is a formal warning about your job performance. If you have any questions, feel free to kick me in the groin.
*(The underlined, italicized sections I may have tampered with…)
So, you know what I did? I marched on up to his big, fat old salmon colored tie wearing self and I said “Are you jealous of me?” This pudgy old man’s name was Mr. Trask, but I always call him Mr. “Junk in the trunk” or Mr. “Trash” when he’s not around.
He wheezed uncomfortably and pushed up his glasses with his forefinger and responded,” Uh, no I am performing my duties as a…” I stopped him with one hand.
“You must have seen my dance moves,” I said clearly and with a smirk,” I mean I would be jealous too if you did this to me.” After that I kicked all the papers off of his desk, jigged to the left, jigged to the right, did the splits, flicked him off, and did the moon-walk out of his office. As a matter of fact I jigged right out of the office building.
The awkward thing that I mentioned is this: how are you going to face your employees when you just got DANCE SERVED! Ohhhhhh!