Paging Dr. Octopus?

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“Fairbury, Nebraska. -Notice anything suspicious at your last doctor visit? Check your hospital records because there is some shocking news for you if you live in Fairbury. Shocking news today as a 56-year-old Rodrigo Carmine was arrested for civil fraud (impersonation of a doctor), drug charges (prescribing medication), and several statutory violations (practicing medicine).

Carmine started his reign of impersonation about 6 years ago at Jefferson Community Health Center. Those of you familiar with JCHC might know him as “Dr. Octopus”. During his application review apparently there was an irregularity. There was another practicing Dr. Octopus with all the right credentials. Mr. Carmine was then hired on as a practicing physician. His stolen credentials allowed him to do everything from breast exams to minor noninvasive surgeries, breast exams, physical exams, and a myriad of other things.

The middle-aged pseudo doctor was quoted to have watched every hospital and ER television show he could obtain. Carmine said he briefly skimmed over the television show “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Scrubs” for its poor writing and even poorer acting. An older woman by the name of Gracie Zander found a surgical scar bearing the letters “Doc Oc”. Where did he get the idea for the name? Spider-man of course. The middle-aged Spanish/Italian American was a huge fan of the Spider-man comics growing up and thought the name was fitting for trying his hand at the medical field. When asked about why he did it his response was a shrug “I stayed at a Holiday Inn”. How he has remained in the field as long as he did has been a mystery to the other doctors. Patricia Segel a nurse at JCHC commented “He seemed like he knew exactly what he was doing. I had no idea. I guess it makes sense that whenever he had to major surgery he “got sick” or had some thing else to do. It’s just unbelievable… and he still owes me $200.” Other patients reported odd markings like “smiley faces” on random parts of their bodies or Octopi.

The Nebraska Department of Human Health & Human Sciences are horrified by this ‘glitch’. They could not be reached for comment to discuss this issue until a thorough investigation could be conducted. If you have been injured please contact the DHHHS as soon as humanly possible.

The court date has not been set, but judge Wirch promises justice will be swift.” -Associated Press Josh Colliluori

 

 

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