October 16th 2012:
Even though the Murph is an OPTIMAL FUNCTIONING MACHINE…. His vehicle is not… But, WHOA hey don’t get the wrong idea here! I have the world’s sexiest motor carriage that the world ever had the privilege of laying their eyes on. This sleek chick magnet is also referred to in the biz as a 1989 Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser Station wagon. I call it ‘The Custom Murph Wagon’(soon to be a copyrighted name!) or OR I call it the C.M.W a way better name than that lame-o BMW!
So, anyways let me get to the heart of the story here loyal Murphies and Murphettes. Just like you good people the CMW has its difficulties. This time I believe it needed an oil change and get the transmission fixed or whatever the car talk for needing a car to get fixed is! Anyhow, I kick open the front door (that’s how I let people know my awesomeness has arrived). Both the cashiers/mechanics or whatever they were looked up. I’m pretty sure they were frowning because they knew I would have to leave. Of course I turned on the charm marched up to the counter and started a business transaction!
“Well, HOWDY partners! My name is…” and before I had a chance to answer this rudey mcrudester interrupted.
“Let me guess… Your Murph.” He looked at me with a jealous half interest.
I of course surprised he knew my name answered him confidently “Why, yes. Yes I am.” And I kind of gave him my ‘Blue Steel’ look. Man, was I on point that day… I believe I was wearing my neon yellow jacket, my black bicycle compression shorts, my boat shoes, and my green Kermit hat. GQ couldn’t even touch me with a 10 foot pole of how good I looked.
He looked back coughed and started typing on his computer. Without looking up he said with a tone that would inspire Ben Stein “Your mom called ahead.”
Folks, I have the best mom in the world. If I could give her a hug and all the money in the world so she would never have to work again you bet your bottom dollar I would do it! She gets me all the best stuff, and she even called ahead for me! Like RSVP’ing! How cool is that?!?!
“Oh she did eh?” I said coyly. “Well, in that case it will probably take you guys 2 minutes to fix my car than yeah?”
He looked a little confused (but that’s probably not out of the ordinary…) “Uh, sir you realize this is an auto body shop and not a McDonalds’ drive through right?”
I responded in kind. “Why, yes I do. Seeing as how mother called ahead. Ha should I set a timer? Cuz I have plans in 10 minutes.” I smiled and turned to watch the TV.
He MUST have been impressed with my command on the situation and asked for my vehicle key. I tossed it over to him. He must have got confused and ran the opposite way to catch it because it ended up like 5 feet away from him. Ha, these mechanics man… they’re some wild people.
“Sir, how do you plan on paying for this?” he asked in his blah blah blah voice.
“Celebrities don’t have to pay.”
“Oh, yeah? Well this celebrity is going to have to pay for his golden chariot to be fixed.”
“Fix it then.”
“$572.60 that includes parts and labor.”
“Can you take out the labor and parts out of the equation.”
“You realize your asking me to do this for free, yes?”
“NO! NOT AT ALL. That’s ridiculous I’ve known you guys for years. I wouldn’t think about cheap skating you out of your money!”
“This is the first time I’ve seen you. Give it a rest. Do you have money to pay for the work or not.”
“Okay, how about I give you my card and than we can go from there?”
“Sir… This is a Monopoly credit card.”
“What, you don’t accept those? That’s outrageous.”
“We accept all major cards ACCEPT Milton Bradley.”
“Okay, fine here’s my mom’s card… Geez how about a discou…”
“Nope.” He yawned, and continued ‘Facebooking’ or whatever it was mechanics do on a computer…
“Wow, somebody took a drink of Haterade with a bite out of an inhospitable sandwich!”
So, I autographed the paper he wanted me to sign EVEN though he was rather rude. I don’t know I guess he’ll just frame it at home or give it to his kids. I am such a good guy sometimes. Oh, and geez it took like 2 hours! Like WHAT?!? I said I had plans in 10 minutes right?
That’s the first and last time I’m giving my autograph out to a mechanic! SHEESH!