Local Store Manager Says “I’m moving into the White House”

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Can’t find an apartment in DC? Petition to be the presidents new roommate!

In a shop in down town Alexandria a one Zachary Hatcherson claims “I’m moving into the White House.” Obviously this is a bold claim, but he has his logic to why this is accurate. He believes that is much more suited for life in the Oval office. Does he want to be the chief of staff? Not in the slightest! Hatcherson remarks “Alexandria is a drab place full of squares and narcissists… And besides they aren’t paying me enough to like it there.” Paying a close eye to the housing market in and around DC Metro area he views it ‘as volatile as the clogged toilet in his apartment’. After discussing his options with some of his friends he decided that if the president was a man for the people he should be the roommate of at least one of them. The District of Columbia mayor Vincent Gray says he has never dealt with anything quite like this “Yes, Mr. Hatcherson has filed a letter petitioning the District of Columbia to move into the White House. As ridiculous as it may be we still have to review it.” He made no further comment on whether the petition had been rejected or not. Hatcherson says he will attempt to be the best roommate possible, and that he’ll pay whatever he could for rent. “I expect 200$ per month is a good amount for our nations commander and chief,” says the young store manager,” I promise we won’t have parties. We at least ones that aren’t okay with secret service. Background checks are mandatory for all party goers I’m sure.” The District of Columbia might just be inviting Alexandria’s ‘finest’ into their own White House.

While Zachary is already packed up and ready to move in the president may not be so ready… Depending on the Districts decision, which is unlikely to be a yes, but the local store manager may just be moving in with our Head of State.

“No more Alexandria for me. I’m living it up Pennsylvania Ave style with a presidential suite with my name on it.”

(Associated Press: Josh Colliluori)

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