Can Women & Men be friends? (male perspective)

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Not just a view espoused by comedian and author Steve Harvey anymore! I want to revisit that with you, my wonderful readers, once more.

If you are new to this blog than welcome! If you aren’t than here’s something to catch you up: I had a particular friend of mine, a young lady, whom I had feelings for. She, of no fault of her own, did not feel the same way. And that my friends is just the way the ball bounces. I cut her out of my life to protect myself. She contacted me and she was hurt I acted out that way not understanding why I did it. Once, she found out that I had romantic feelings for her the dynamic of our friendship changed. I had not only been “Friend-Zoned” but worse… I had affected our friendship. Knowing I had those feelings we could not simply ‘hang-out’ anymore. It’s an unspoken repercussion, but one that I took a gamble with. This is why I chose to write about this topic today.

So you see by my example and my experience just why men and women can’t be friends. I realize this is a blanket statement, but in most cases I believe this to be true. Think about it: why do you become friends with someone of the opposite sex? What first attracted you about them?

As human beings (most of us being from the planet earth) are attracted to beautiful things or things that attract us. You gravitate toward someone of the opposite sex or the same-sex by the first impression of how attractive they are to you. Even if that is not the case SOMETHING attracts us that makes us want to be friends (or more) with a person. In my case I was attracted to her from day one. I will and always will want to be more than friends. Even if I have to lie.

It is difficult to be friends with someone of the opposite sex because of our basic need for companionship. It is part of Maslows hierarchy of needs it is something that is programmed within us.

I understand that this happens every day a friendly cohabitation with someone of the opposite gender, but a good amount of the time there are ulterior motives. Whether we desire the other person sexually  or even just because we desire to be in a serious relationship with them. Hell we aren’t honest even with ourselves sometimes!

Here’s the good part ladies/ Men this is my opinion on the matter. Our mindset to having a friendship with a woman  all about the positives or the benefits of that friendship. The desire to fill the physical need (sex), we have the desire for a companion or wife, we have a desire to be accepted by our male peers, we have a desire to protect. I’m sure there are more reasons that I have not listed, but these are the big reasons in my mind. You don’t have to agree with this analysis this is only an opinion.

So let’s recap:

  1. Our brains tell us what and who we are attracted to
  2. We always seek out companionship (it is built within us)
  3. There is always a motive to being friends with someone of the opposite sex
  4. Men have the mindset of what they can get out of a relationship (is it economical or beneficial)

Why can’t women and men be friends? Because, we cannot get our signals right. The mindset of a man is vastly different from a woman therefore our brains work differently. So Steve Harvey maybe you’re on to something, ladies “Act like a woman, think like a man”.

Jest a thought to keep in mind from a males perspective.

This picture belongs to roxannejoffe.com
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5 thoughts on “Can Women & Men be friends? (male perspective)

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    Sarah said:
    August 31, 2012 at 11:42 am

    *then and *then. Just thought you’d like to know.

    rodrigopool said:
    September 1, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Hey man,
    I have been in that place a handful of times and I can tell you that ive learned from my experience.
    1. Not everyone you meet is going want to suck your face (make out with you.)
    2. Men and women CAN be friends (in fact some of my best and closest friends have been and are women, and I’m not gay.)
    Now, I have experienced the same conundrum you did with two or three women in my life, where I liked them too much to be friends, and I cut them off my life thinking to myself the exact same thing “not hurt myself” I’ve always regreted it.
    As I got older I realized that not everyone I met wanted to “suck my face” and that a friendship was waaaaaay more valuable than a stupid crush. Because thats all there is to it.
    The fact that you find someone attractive should be the only reason you want to be in a relationship with them. It’s way more than that. If you like someone make sure it isn’t because of astetics but because they are wonderful worthwhile people and you know what? Those are the best people to have in your life!
    So what if you can’t date them, I made a choice a long time ago when I was faced with that same scenario the last time, to confess my feelings but still keep our friendship, I even told her after she rejected me that things might be awkward from there on and she said “it doesn’t have to” now I still had feelings for her and I could have been my emo self and cut her completely but I didn’t. I valued her to much as person that I didn’t want to lose her friendship. I thought it’d be hard and that I would never get over her but you know what? “time heals all wounds”
    Today after almost 7 years and I can tell you shes one of my closest best friends, she lives in Boston now but we still visit each other and we may not talk as often as we did but our friendship is still intact.
    Make that choice man, don’t let such a pety thing ruin your friendship. trust me you might regret it tomorrow, you could be throwing away a life long friendship because you couldn’t get over it.
    Another thing, it’s scientifically proven that women and men have gendersless mind process, your brain doesn’t think like a man or a woman but you. You make a choice subconsciously to think like a man or a woman.

    rodrigopool said:
    September 1, 2012 at 3:22 am

    Hey man,
    I have been in that place a handful of times and I can tell you what ive learned from my experience.
    1. Not everyone you meet is going want to suck your face (make out with you.)
    2. Men and women CAN be friends (in fact some of my best and closest friends have been and are women, and I’m not gay.)

    Now, I have experienced the same conundrum you did with two or three women in my life, where I liked them too much to be friends, and I cut them off my life thinking to myself the exact same thing “not hurt myself” I’ve always regreted it.

    As I got older I realized that not everyone I met wanted to “suck my face” and that a friendship was waaaaaay more valuable than a stupid crush. Because thats all there is to it.
    The fact that you find someone attractive should not be the only reason you want to be in a relationship with them. It’s way more than that. If you like someone make sure it isn’t because of astetics but because they are wonderful worthwhile people, and you know what? Those are the best people to have in your life!
    So what if you can’t date them, I made a choice a long time ago when I was faced with that same scenario the last time, to confess my feelings but still keep our friendship, I even told her after she rejected me that things might be awkward from there on and she said “it doesn’t have to”
    Now, I still had feelings for her and I could have been my emo self and cut her completely but I didn’t. I valued her too much as person and as a friends that I didn’t want to lose her friendship. I thought it’d be hard and that I would never get over her but you know what? “time heals all wounds” You DO get over it.

    Today after almost 7 years and I can tell you she’s one of my closest friends, she lives in Boston now but we still visit each other and we may not talk as often as we did but our friendship is still intact.

    Make that choice man, don’t let such a petty thing ruin your friendship. Trust me you might regret it tomorrow, you could be throwing away a life long friendship because you couldn’t get over it. And who knows, maybe not tomorrow but in time she might like you that way too. And at that point you’d still have that friendship.

    Another thing, it’s scientifically proven that women and men have gendersless mind process, your brain doesn’t think like a man or a woman but you. You make a choice subconsciously to think like a man or a woman.

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