Tuesday August 28th, 2012 3:04
So, there I was. IN TRAFFIC on 495… IN RUSH HOUR! Oh, why did the Murph go 495?! Anybody who has anywhere to go DOESN’T take 495! As usual the traffic is at a SUPER UNCOOL grid-lock… But, will the Murph be deterred from having a good day??? HELL NO! So, I crank my radio full blast on my Pandora Station, and what’s the first song that plays??? None, other than my favorite artist… Which is none other than Vanilla Ice! I was singing at the top of my golden lungs! ICE ICE BABY! A lady next to me started clapping I’m pretty sure and she offered to pay me to shut-up. Ha! If by shut-up she meant: ‘don’t sing another word until I can get your golden voice in a recording studio’ than she would be so right in saying that! Unfortunately, I get a little impatient when I’m in traffic. So, what would a normal person do in a traffic jam situation? Call for a limo to come pick you up. So I took out my awesome I-fun and looked up a limo company.
I dialed the number and someone picked up but the Murph cut him off and said “Limo now.” He sounded kind of confused, but this did not phase me. I said to the man “I want a limo right now. I’m on 495 right now. Pick me up.”
“Sir, we don’t do pickups in 495 traffic, I’m sorry.”
“No freaking way are you kidding me?! Well… How about I get out of my car and you guys come pick me up? I’ll kick in an extra 2 or 3$ for gas…”
“Uh… How much were you planning on paying…”
“A cool 13.74.” Says I.
“Not cool.” Says he.
“COOL. I’ll wait on the side of the road for you guys to come pick me up. Or I will be having words with your management…” (on google reviews I said under my breath…)
“Uh yeah okay… See you in 2 minutes.” And he hung up.
YES! I have secured my DESERVED luxury ride! So I put my car in park got out and this bozo the clown behind me started blaring his clown car horn! Again, the only logical course of action for me to do was dance on the hood of his car.
The dude started shouting that I was dancing to good on his hood so I kept on dancing. He got out to cheer me on but accidentally grabbed me. We both fell and BLACK OUT.
I’m in the hospital because I must have fell down with so much grace that my body just couldn’t handle it… But, wait… What happened to my car???
More importantly who is that cute nurse checking my vitals? Sorry sweetheart, but you just gave the Murph A HEART ATTACK!