Friday July 20th 2012 12:00am
So there I was. The Murph. AT THE DARK KNIGHT RISES PREMIER. I’m just going to tell you straight: I HEART BATMAN. Why? Because him and me have so much in common! Let’s check out the comparisons: he wears a costume I wear Batman boxers, he has a lot of money I have a lot of Starbucks gift cards, All the girls want him and, heh, all the girls want Murphy. Him and me would be best friends, but he would probably be BEGGING me to let him be my side kick!
But, anyways I was at the premier at a local theater close to my bachelor pad because my friends asked ME if I wanted to go. So again this man was waiting in ANOTHER long line. I just don’t get it… Why, do they not see ‘star status’ written all over me? Oh, and I almost forgot to mention my outfit?! Phew, thank goodness I have a good memory (for you all’s sake). So, you know how I hate to be a conformist an’ all soooo…. I dressed up in a superman outfit. Think about it?! How many people do you see going to the Batman movie in a SUPERMAN outfit?! I was decked out man! From the flowing red cape to the blue and red tights. I was looking gangster. At this point everybody was looking at me, obviously in admiration (just like the other day at the club).
Finally, making it up to the front desk to buy my ticket this snot nosed teenager looks me up and down and asks ‘Are you going to the wrong movie?’ And I was like ‘Hell no! I know where I’m goin’! Can’t you see I’m being a radical non-conformist?!’ He looked back down at the computer intimidated no doubt. Looking back up at me he stretched out his hand and asked for the money. I slapped down $10 into his hand and told him to keep the change. Scoffing at the money I just gave him like an arrogant punk this infidel told me I still needed to pay $5!! Can you believe the nerve on this guy?! I get movies for a $1 at redbox!!! So I slapped down ANOTHER bill and told him to keep the change on THAT! With the same gross disinterest he told me there would BE no change. Reaching over I snatched that ticket right out of opening where the ticket came out! My friend patted me on the back and I’m pretty sure he told me how awesome I was, but then he told me he had to use the bathroom.
Oh, and before I went into where my movie was playing I saw this ULTRA-FINE 20 out of 10 on a 10 point scale! Combing my hair back with my fingers. I proceeded to turn the ole MURPH-INATOR charm! I did a little hop and started over to her. When I got over to the counter to order I leaned over to the cashier and I whisperer over to him and asked him if I couldn’t get an empty drink and not pay for it. He looked at my outfit and just called ‘NEXT!’ I have no idea why that theater hires such uncouth human beings! But, the Murph would not be deterred by minor set backs! As I went to set down my cape snagged on the stool and I fell backwards a little bit fell on the floor, but made a recovery that would amaze doctors! I leaned over and used my famous pick up line… “For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I’m pretty sure I’m alive, and I believe… heaven has been brought to me.” Taking a pause from her soft drink and M&M’s she looked me over with those eyes of encapsulated beauty. Now, this part is kind of fuzzy. I’m pretty sure she said “Murph… You are the most beautiful Superman God has ever graced this dark world with. Give me a kiss you man’s man.”
Like WOAH! Was I just going to say no?! So I went in for this kiss and I got halfway to her, and get this my eyes were closed… And when I opened them… SHE WAS GONE! Was she a mirage??? But, I looked down on the counter and there were her M&M’s and her drink…
She must have been an angel called away to do some big important job. I had to smile because I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist the Murph. And, after that I met up with my gang and we went into see the Dark knight. It was so awesome… Wait I can’t give it away! JUST GO SEE IT!