Who knows? I jest might be gone tomorrow…

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Just another day in the place I call “home”. It feels good to be here near my family friends and the places I know, but just like that old Allman Brothers song “Ramblin’ man” I suppose I might be moving on. With the opportunities that are out there for me its hard for me to say no, but it is just as hard to leave what I know behind. There are parts me of me that pull me in different directions: part of me wants to explore the world and experience a new aspect of life, but the other part tells me to stay close to the ones I love and the places I know.

Growing up I moved many times for different reasons, but they all took me to new places and I’m standing (well, typing) here today. I don’t want to leave the friends I’ve worked so hard over these years to make. If this is my last remaining months where I am living now then I know I have made the best of my time here. Learning and growing from my mistakes and my successes has made me into a stronger and better human being.

The people I am most sad to leave behind are my kids. Not LITERALLY my kids, but the kids I volunteer with. They have changed my life in more ways than I can tell you in this post (I will discuss it in one of my other blog posts). The one thing I know I will regret is that I will not be able to say good-bye to them if I have to go in a month or two. There is a particular young woman who I will be especially sad to leave behind. She is just about ready to go to college and she’s very nervous. I told her not to worry and that she could come back and visit me and all of her friends when she wanted. I could see the tears form in her eyes as I told her I might be gone for good. She had tears in her eyes as I told her of the possibility of me leaving. I find it hard to believe how difficult it is for me to leave without a proper goodbye. There’s something about the closure and finality of saying goodbye that gives me peace of mind, but leaving these kids I feel like… there may not be closure.

If I am to discuss leaving I can’t discuss it without mentioning my friends. The friends I have now some of them are true blue week in week out warriors. Some of them I would gladly give my life for. They have seen me at my darkest nights and at my brightest days, and I am proud to be considered a friend to them. Like my family, there will be no replacing their presence and peace they bring me. As much as i might try I realize that time is corrosive on a friendship and if you aren’t learning and growing TOGETHER you fall apart. I will always care their friendship and love in my heart.

This is all if I leave. There’s just as equal a chance for me to stay as there is for me to leave. My friends, my kids, and my family will always be in my heart no matter where I go.

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